We the Write stuff.

Ello All

I have never been a big fan of horror movies. Its not that I don’t enjoy them, per se, it’s just that I very rarely get scared or touched in any way when watching one. The only horror movies that have ever touched a chord in me, on a deep chilly level has been “The Exorcist” (surprise surprise) and “The Omen Trilogy”, both of which I own on DVD and have watched alone at home many a time. Since the creation of these movies, there has never been a movie that I have wanted to watch over and over again, or talk about, forget writing reviews.

I ignored the Blair Witch phenomenon. I watched the movie, sure, and while I admired the use of documentary film-making in terms of horror, I shrugged after watching the movie, and my exact words I recall was “Meh”.

However, Paranormal Activity aroused my interest for many reasons. 1) The extreme hype that surrounded it, 2) The abnormally minimal budget used to film it ($ 15,000) 3) It was being called the best horror movie of the decade. 4) The story seemed simple enough to have potential: a couple who believe they are being haunted, decide to film themselves and their home to spot any evidence of ghosts/demons.

A friend who I have always admired for his cool and calm head, lent me the DVD and warned me not to see it alone, and while I scoffed at him at the time, I'm glad I took his advice.

If you break it down into pieces (which you really shouldn’t do), analytically, the film isn’t a masterpiece. However, it does the one thing its supposed to do. It chills you. Its quiet, and theres no gore, or anything stereotypically scary but before you know it, you’re leaning back in your seat, and wondering why the heck you’re scared, because nothing has even happened. The entire film is set primarily in the couple’s bedroom, with a few minutes spent in the living room. It’s a movie based on conversation and a hand-held camera, a movie that while you say “Oh well, that wasn’t so bad”, once its done, STILL somehow has the power to keep you awake all night.

A friend and I watched the movie at 11pm, and by 12:30, it was done, and we bragged about how this was a bunch of overrated hype, and there was nothing scary about it. Then we went to bed, and managed to get sleep only at around 5am. Like the best of horror movies, there is no logic to why you should be scared. You know you aren’t possessed, you know there aren’t demons in your body, or ghouls under your bed, you also know that you’re an adult and you should really know better. Yet, like the best of horror movies, Paranormal Activity, gets you asking yourself the most creepy question of all : What if?

Ello all,

Ello All,

This post is a bit overdue but after watching it for a second time today, I realised James Cameron's Avatar did not deserve to go un-reviewed any longer.

For months now Tejas has been banging on about the movie and it's revolutionary technology and how it had the potential to change the landscape of film making. Personally, I was sceptical. Mostly because watching films like Ninja Assassin made me think that there was little left to revolutionise in modern cinematography and motion capturing. Specially not something worth a 12 year wait.

And then I saw it.

We don't usually swear on this blog but $#%&.

You know how Roald Dahl can take the simplest of stories and enchant them with wit and irony? Well, James Cameron's done the same damn thing only he's used unbelievable CGI and an overwhelming attention to detail.

The story line is simple and some could even say cliche. But no film, that has ever used any of the plot elements here before, be it aliens, romance, action, nature or the future, has ever told a story as beautifully as Cameron's team has done here.

The twin analogies of 'making' war for profit and the destruction of our ecosystem are put across in, till now, the most effective way I've ever seen. The idea behind "Tsahelu" a physical bond through energy (in the film through fat nerves coming out of your pony tail) to the planet and world that one lives in is possibly my favorite idea for the next few years.

But it's the attention to detail that makes this movie so immense. The tools and materials used by the "Na'vi" tribe, the language they came up with, the almost infinite inhabitants and elements in that incredible forest (The glowing had me gaping...) the little things about the aliens, such as the fact that all their animals have six legs (I suspect that has something to do with lower gravity...) and the fact that the real aliens have three fingers while the Avatars have four, all come together and make this film so incredibly HUGE I don't feel even slightly bad saying it's one of the defining movies of this decade.

In terms of acting I must say Sam Worthington doesn't make me cringe anymore. In fact he was quite freaking awesome in his 'Avatar'. The stand out performance for me though was that of Zoe Saldana who has quite swiftly become one of my favorite actresses. I suggest we all look out for her. From the looks of it she's one of the few raw, ballsy actors out there.

For now, go and have yourself a thorougly fulfilling 3-D experience. And a Happy New Year!

Ps. Long time no post. Apologies but you know how it is- you're trying to get into a big new course so you start arbitrarily checking people for hypertension and revolutionise Indian Radio. Good times.

It's hard to know why, but for some reason, we LOVE ourselves a good apocalypse!
As you all will know, in a few days one of the most widely anticipated movies of this year is going to be released. The film ofcourse, is 2012. It's centered around the theory that the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 and as the saying goes:
"Shit goin' down!"
As far as I can tell, the film is following the same formula that most apocalyptic films follow.
-There's some huge freaking climate change on a global scale.
-Everyone is scared crazy.
-America's at the brunt of it.
-The Statue of Liberty is going to get MESSED UP!
-There is one man who took his job too seriously and lost his family (who still totally dig him, they just don't know it yet)
-The governments are clueless and have no clue how to fix a damn thing.
-Shit goin' down!
What's interesting though, is that until the eighties when the likes of George Lucas started developing CGI and film techniques, there weren't a whole lot of these films, because they just cost too much.
With the kind of technology film makers have at their disposal today though, these films are almost commonplace now. Of course, as I mentioned earlier, we can't seem to get enough of them. Maybe it's the thrill of global destruction. Maybe it's the preachy monologue at the end. Maybe it's the return of slightly older actors in hardcore cool roles. Maybe it's the return of slightly older actors acting as the President of the United States. Maybe it's just the sheer event the film marketers make it out to be.
But one thing is for sure. We love to see how they portray the planet in their messed up futures. We LOVE to see how things change, we LOVE to see where the Statue of Liberty's going to be next. And quite clearly, we love to see big ass tidal waves!
So as a mild warm up for the big event that is 2012, I'd like to run through five films in the past couple of years that have stood out in their own little apocalyptic ways for differing reasons. They are in no order of preference or release date.
1) The Day the Earth Stood Still: I hated it. The film was stupid, one dimensional, preachy, downright silly at times, and quite honestly, Keanu Reeves was acting as Neo all over again. Only this time, he wasn't cool. What the film DID do well though, was it's special effects. The disintegration of everything around Reeves, the atmospheric changes and the monster sized robot were all stunningly done. In fact, it's this kind of film that makes me wonder just how incredible Avatar is going to have to be to live up to it's 'revolutionary' tag.
2) Terminator: Salvation: Another film which let down as far as acting, plot and script were concerned. The environment and machinery shown in the film was freaking unbelievable. The bikes popping out of giant robot shins, the guns, the capsules, the under water machines, were all so perfectly designed and placed, it made the whole film feel SO much better than it really was.
In particular the set design stood out as one of the best I've seen in a while.
3) Babylon AD: You know, in spite of it being a Vin Diesel film, I honestly expected great things from this film. That is until they gave Vin Diesel the chance to speak for more than two sentences. Fact remains though, the graphics and visuals in this film were HUGE. But more than anything else, it was the little things I loved about the movie.
In particular there's the map Vin Diesel uses to navigate. What looks like a peice of paper, gets pinched and stroked much like your iPhone does right now, and the best part is, it actually behaved like one. Only, when he was done, he just folded it right back into his backpack and made way. The other thing worth mentioning about the film is that it doesn't bore us with a pointless explanation about HOW the world's in the state it is, it just kind of moves on to the action at hand.
4) Wall- E: One of the best films made. One of the best sets animated. One of the best detail to characters. One of the most original takes on how we need to litter less. Tough freaking act to follow, though it doesn't compete with any of the films in this genre.
5) The Day After Tomorrow: True, it's from 2004 and doesn't count as 'last couple of years' but let's face it, this is the movie 2012 is going to have to out do if anyone's going to remember it. Super actors, super plot, super graphics and Dennis freaking Quaid!
A cinematic experience to say the least, and I'm one of the chumps who saw it on a laptop!
Needless to say I won't be missing 2012 in a theatre.
And I would hope none of you do either.
Till the day- ADDALAY!

This post was originally going to be about the quantum leap that Hindi music has made over the last 5-10 years or so; but instead I decided I'd focus on one singer who is at the top of the charts and is in much demand by the premier music directors of the Indian Film Industry.

Working in a Hindi radio station WILL get you addicted to Hindi songs and music. Even if you are not a fan of it, you will be whether you like it or not. I always used to dig it. I love AR Rahman and Shankar Ehsaan Loy's music and recently have come to appreciating other musicians work as well. Also I'll agree that popular Hindi music hasn't had the best rep, with hosts of musicians copying tunes from the west (and east as it turns out!) and I can say personally that the 90's worked itself into a rut, with repititive chords and melodic patterns, (a trait in most Aditya Chopra and Karan Johar films, I've noticed) that annoyed the shit out of me many a time.
But as the aughts rolled out, more composers broke away from that norm, favouring a more western style of chord progressions and more musicality and less percussion. And it is also strange that even though we opt for this change, it still cannot be dubbed as anything else but popular hindi music or Bollywood music; mainly because it still retains that distinct touch of Indian, like vocals from Raahat Fateh Ali Khan*, or Kailash Kher. Or perhaps even because of the inclusion of a pakhawaj or tabla to a drum set. Whatever it may be, I know that Mohit Chauhan is also one of those reasons.
Few may remember the erstwhile Silk Route; a 'rock' band at the time when we had few. It was from here we heard of Mohit Chauhan, the lead singer/guitarist at the time singing the popular 'Dooba Dooba' which has actually aged quite well since then. Mohit moved on from then and released a few solo albums before getting signed to sing as playback. It is at this point in his career that I feel he has peaked, by being the proud owner of the vocals that can be heard on this summer's two biggest releases: Love Aaj Kal and Kaminey.
After his short success with AR Rahman's 'Khoon Chala' he recorded for Imtiaz Ali's breakthrough 'Jab We Met', in the slow but beautiful Tum Se Hi. He became recognizable to me from that point and just went on to wow the hell outta me. He came out with the much under-appreciated 'Kuch Khaas' from Fashion as well as the strangely insipid 'Is This Love' from Kismat Konnection. But it was 'Masakali' from Delhi-6 that has showed the range of this singer. I always imagine that it must be a pleasure for the playback to record to excellent music, AR Rahman's to say the least, theres not much to be salvaged by a singer from crap music, but just by listening to the song you can clearly understand how he must have enjoyed recording it.
Two songs I am listening back to back at the moment are both romantic numbers from the movies Love Aaj Kal and Kaminey, with Mohit Chauhan returning to what he does best.

'Dooriyan' from LAK is clearly possesing the more Rom-Com-Comercial feel to it, with Imtiaz Ali trying to recreate the same effect from Tum Se Hi, and trying to force out the emotions, with the string section and music I have decided to dub CRM or Cry-by-Reverb Music (as opposed to HRM). However we can all agree that it is probably Mohit Chauhan's soothing voice that will probably get the girls crying.

'Pehli Baar Mohabbat Ki Hai' composed by Vishal Bhardwaj himself for his own film Kaminey, is my personal winner of the two, clearly the more tender song, with interesting vocal moments and moving piano moments. Equally great vocals from Mohit Chauhan makes this all the more intense, and I'm interested how this song will come off on screen.

I hope he goes on to release tracks like these, and hope he has the oppurtunity too, because you know how unreasonably far one can be from the other. Now if Lucky Ali would just get off his lazy ass and accept Rahman's offer to work with him...


* The inspiration and reason why I started writing this post. Unbelievable vocals on 'Ajj Din Chadheya' from Love Aaj Kal.

As you may know by now, the pigs have conquered Pune. That is where I live, and I am most annoyed, obviously because the possibility of it lurks at every turn, or else hidden inadequately behind a 20 rupee surgical mask. My friends have canceled their trip to Pune to visit me due to this reason and while the decision is the responsible one, it is still disappointing. The schools and colleges are closed as are their counterparts; malls and theatres, and people are either staying put at home, or working in their offices with a reasonably high degree of alarm.

I have a problem. Let me just state for the record that over the past couple of years and since coming to India, I have been converted into a big Hindi movie fan. I am completely loyal to the industry, I believe in them and I know they have the capacity to make excellent films- they have proved it in the past on many occasions. However, they have also proved to be quite unreliable based on the frequency of how often a decent movie is released. Now, my problem is that every time I watch a good Hindi film trailer(and boy are there many) I am faced with a dilemma- do I invest in these movies emotionally by looking forward to it, and hope that it will be the next Dil Chahta Hai or Swades? Or do I cautiously and safely curb my enthusiasm till I see the final product? Hindi films let me down- most of the time. Sometimes there is a pleasant surprise, like the awesome DevD but lets face facts- Ghajini, Chandni Chowk to China and 8x10 Tasveer have all been thoroughly disappointing even though they had the potential to be super kickass. I went for all of these movies first-day-first-show and came back dejected with the Indian Film Industry. But then slowly I forget about their mistakes and get roped right back into the game with the next big release. I have, however seen the error in my ways and been able to see the good ones from the bad, and believe me it is not hard to spot. 'Kambhakkt Ishq' was the single greatest waste of money on film. Like Rajeev Masand said, Rs 60 crores could have gone to so many better causes, and it would have been just one less film for Akshay Kumar* to ruin his career with.
But still got to love that guy!

This season has been filled the most big-budget films from hollywood, and the barrage has not yet ended. So with the IPL and ICC T20 well out of the way, the movies have been streaming in and with Transformers 2 in theatres and HP6 on the way, I really want to see where our Indian mainstream cinema is standing. We had New York (and a fairly healthy discussion about it too!), Khambakkht Ishq and soon to release is Luck pairing Sanjay Dutt and Imran Khan again (You remember how that last one turned out- Kidnap...the scriptwriter).
Ever since I saw the trailer at the Delhi-6 premiere, there is one movie that is grabbing my attention and that I must see on opening day. Vishal Bhardwaj's Kaminey.

This is not a heavily disguised puff-piece but man this shit looks good. I have been thoroughly impressed with his adaptations of Macbeth(Maqbool) and Othello(Omkara), which I still maintain is one of the greatest dramas that the Industry has ever produced. He has openly stated that the lack of good scripts and scriptwriters is the primary reason why he turns to Shakespeare for a decent story. For me personally, that directors can recognise the fact that their are not good scripts being written for screen currently, is an achievement. I don't care, take your time, don't make a movie for like a year or two, but don't produce until you've got the goods, man.
Kaminey comes off as a very Guy Ritchie-esque dramedy, with an array of wonderfully wierd characters, like Shahid Kapur's two characters in the film(Yes, it's a double role) Charlie and Guddu with their speech defects and the completely uncouth don played by Amole Gupte.
The soundtrack is awesome with 'Dhan Te Nan' that blew my mind when I heard it. A kickass track reminding me just enough of the pulp fiction theme, to get me completely psyched for this.
But yes I know, this could be another run-of-the-mill flicks that is produced so often that can get my hopes screwed once again. But really, who knows man? That is the prospect that excites me sometimes even more than the movie itself: What if. What if this is the movie that really steps it up? What if this is the movie I was looking for in Ghajini, or in Tasveer? What if this is the awesome Hindi movie? What if.
Whatever it is, I hope its not regular. That should be the norm; either you completely freak out the audience by wierding it out, or just be shit. Don't give me normal. The cast is capable. The director is more than capable. Please, let this be the one.


*He is seriously the only thing good about that movie.

Ello All,
I just read a post by our very dear friend Anish . He watched New York and, very clearly did not like it. He's never been a Bollywood fan and you know what, it's hard to blame him. But, there's a trend I've found, usually in Indians living abroad (who have to sort of shoulder any labels attached to Bollywood and indeed ANYTHING Indian) wherein it's not that they don't like Bollywood but it's almost like it's offensive to them. Before I go any further I want to establish that to Anish and any other haters of Bollywood, I completely respect your opinions and am not in any way judging your arguments.
The trend I just mentioned, is the analysis of Hindi movies, with the expectations of English movies.
Here's the deal. We got the camera at the same time, if not before the likes of America. But we got it in very different situations. America was in the middle of a cultural boom (which is natural when you're making one from scratch) and we were in a sort of cultural rape, as I like to call it.
Satyajit Ray was just as boring and intense as say, Citizen Kane. Some of our actors and actresses were just as stunning and moving as some of theirs. But the movement was never on the same track. Not to say that either track was better, just that they were parallel and never intertwining.
Cut to today, while our drama flick of the month is New York, America's undoubtedly got a whole bunch of equally dramatic films coming out. For me, as a movie goer, sure, New York probably won't be without disclaimer, but the point is, as I've said time and time again, I AM NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE.
The quote when you scroll down and look left will certainly seem hypocritical now, but the truth is, it's taken me almost two and half years of living in this country (and significantly- this city, Mumbai) for me to finally appreciate the intricate difference between film making in the Indian subcontinent and film making abroad.
In Tunisia, there is a film maker who makes films with his buddies and has his entire town in splits. Think Sweding but with slightly more original scripts. India's kind of like that. Our threshold for 'anything on film' has certainly decreased over the years but ultimately, our culture of watching films is nothing like the culture of watching English films.
You watch something like Star Trek for the story, the references, the ideas, the metaphors and the acting.
We watch Singh is Kinng for the dialogues, for the plot twists and the songs.
For God's sake we refuse to watch movies that are anything less than 2 hours long. Why? 'Because, dude, if I'm going to pay hundred rupees, atleast two hours ka film should be there na?'
There's a reason Indians get upset when people mock Indian movies. It's not for any reason. It's because if you insult an Indian film you're insulting our entire culture. You're insulting the way we laugh and eat a meal with our hands. You're insulting the way we'll watch serials with loud 'DHA DHA DHUMS!' just so that while we're getting food ready for the family, we don't miss too much because it's in slow motion anyway.
If Anish says New York is crap, I'll almost certainly agree when I DO see it. I'll concede that there is an air of stagnation in the industry. I'll concede that the way films are made here is often despicable. And I'll even concede that all you need is a pair of giant knockers (male or female) to earn in the industry.
But you cannot judge an Indian film with a normal eye. You HAVE to empathise and you HAVE to see it as though you're an Indian yourself. The same way we'll excuse random camera shifts and random cinematics in an uber deep french movie, we have to excuse the seemingly 'lesser' cinematics in our movies because, as I said earlier, they aren't made for us.
Basically, any Indian growing up with an international outlook is either completely isolated in that there's rarely any movies targetting us.
OR.
We're essentially smarter than everyone else because we can love ANYTHING.
The second option appeals to me a bit more. What about you?

Ello All,

Readers who have read my blog may know that I have a huge respect for Dogs and the things they do. They may even know, that some of the most memorable moments, we the writers have shared have been with dogs, and so I figure it's about freaking time we list out some of our favorite on screen canines. Bear in mind the list is the top CHARACTERS and not films. So without any further ado....

10. Old Yeller (1957)
As a movie this is one of those old classics that you completely love but can't watch more than once, unless you're you know, Kyra. But the golden lab they got to play the mongrel in the movie will certainly always be one of my favorite on screen characters. He was the ideal dog. He was loyal and loving and sacrificing and the kind of guy you'd grow up to write a book about. I don't know about the book, but the movie certainly delivered to an entire generation of parents, one of the greatest Catch 22s a kid could lob at you- 'Mommy, can we get a puppy?'

9. Top Cop Dogs:
The idea of a dog as a cop's partner has sort of been run down by now, but there are two utter classics for me, which feature two actors from my favorite generation of hollywood humans.
The first is K9 (1989). James Belushi and his trusty sidekick Jerry Lee were the ultimate bachelor crime fighters. Replete with the 'HE'S DESTROYED MY HOUSE' scenes and the ultimate sacrifice in the end, Jerry Lee was one bad ass dog. He was one of those few dogs with a real personality that totally deserved to be on the tonight show.
The second is Turner & Hooch (1989). Somehow this movie didn't do well, but this was the film that sparked my love for Tom Hanks. Hooch, is the slobbery cuddly lump of stud sniffer dog pal of Turner played by hanks who is trying to crack down on a a huge case in a little city. The film features one of my favorite canine-human bonding moments, with Hanks and Beasley the dog on a stakeout.
I should also mention the giant sheep dog from Christian Slater's excellent Cuffs.

8. Cats and Dogs (2001)
Now here was a movie with a great idea, executed horribly, but featuring some of the cutest animals on screen. Frankly, you don't need much more than that to get by. For me the stand out performance from a dog was Lou the beagle voiced by Tobey Maguire. Mr Tinkles, the evil white cat voiced by Sean Hayes deserves credit, but I'm going to stick to one species here.
Lou was like the Michael J Fox of the dog world. Cute, cocky and boyishly charming. Certainly, the beagle must be the most under rated breed of dog in movies.

7. See Spot Run (2001)
The English Mastiff (I may be wrong...) Spot is easily one of the most complex character metaphors I've seen yet. He's a dog who's not a dog. He's been in the FBI so long he's lost his doggy nature and become a run down hard ass. The chemistry between him and David Arquette is amazing, and I was quite amazed to see the film pull off the story line as well as they did.
That dog made me think.

6. Homeward bound (1993)
It's so very typical for studios to take anything cute and stretch it till it's no longer cute, so I'm not even going to mention the sequel to the film. The old wise Lab and the goof ball boxer with the cynical cat combination was so delightfully perfect, only Disney could've accomplished it. One of the most moving films in the genre, but more than that the role of the Lab as the wise old man was stunning. His chin was always up and his mane always perfect, just like his posture. I wish I was his nephew.
That and the boxer and the porcupine scene, make these two, for me, one of the best canine chemistries on screen.

5. 101 Dalmations (1961)
If Walt Disney ever wanted, he could have become one of the greatest advertisers of all time. The man knew people like nobody's business. He knew what people wanted to be. He understood personality and he understood love like very few other film makers. There is not a single puppy in 101 Dalmations anyone will forget in a hurry. Rolly will forever reduce even the most serious of people into a puddle of 'habubucheebu' when they think back to his fat little bum stuck in the hole. And Roger and Perdita will always be the ideal parents everyone will want their kids to see them as.

4. Lady and the Tramp (1955)
Who here has never actually tried the spaghetti kiss or atleast wanted to? Scooby Doo may be the highest grossing animated dog, but face it, nobody drew dogs like Disney. Lady is undoubtedly one of the classiest dames there is and the Tramp is one of the coolest men there is. The Audrey Hepburn-Peter O'Toole of the animated world.
Oh and let's not forget the smoothest dog around- Billy Joel's role as Dodger in Oliver and co. (Thanks to Kyra for the correction)

3. Lassie (1954)
2. Beethoven (1992)
I think till about age 14, this was actually my favorite movie ever. Sure the studios sucked it dry with the most ridiculous remakes, but the first one is genius. The single shot walk through the park scene where he licks the little girl's ice cream and the perfectly juxtaposed 'Roll Over Beethoven' scenes are brilliant, but for me the greatest part of the movie, is the look on the St. Bernard's face when they walk into the mud covered room and he's sitting on the bed. You may not be able to teach a dog new tricks, but when the guy's a born actor you've hit the jackpot...

1. Marley and Me (2008)
I realise I'm alone in this view, but this movie deserved an Oscar. Not only is it one of the greatest depictions of married life, it also features the greatest final farewell scene I have ever seen. The part at the end when Owen Wilson runs his hand over all of Marley's soft parts made me ache, it was so perfect.
But the undoubted star of the film was the dog/ dogs they got to play Marley the Dog. I'm yet to read the book, but everything I've heard about Marley in it was perfect. In particular the scene where Marley's taken Jennifer Aniston's necklace in his mouth and he's just staring at them as they slowly approach him. I was convinced that was CGI. just brilliant. Even the look on his face when he realises her water's broken and the time he puts his head on her lap after the miscarriage. As far as performances go it was perfect. There was no contrived scenes of 'cute pooch' gimicks. It was all real, all believable and all incredibly moving. A feat impossible without the tremendous performance of Jonah the lab.

There you have it. My top ten dog stars. Mention anyone I've left out, and don't count on a list of top ten cats. Let's face it- cats are evil.
Roof.