Now and Then.

Who the...?

Harendra Kapur.
Kyra Mathews.
Tejas Menon.

The other day, it suddenly occurs to me, that there are a whole bunch of famous people who have beards. So I decided, why not have a go at making a list of the Top 10. This is what I came up with.
The list was decided using three factors- Significance of beard, Significance of person, and of course, whether or not I like the person. This list is NOT objective and is based on nothing really. I can only hope it'll spawn a series of comments and many more pointless Top 10s on the blog.
Right then.

10. Mel Gibson
Here's a man who's been openly homophobic, anti- semitic and on many occasions- openly wasted. And how can you argue with the guy? He's William freaking Wallace!
The Aussie American has had his fair of controversies and bust ups, but then which Australian actor hasn't right? He just makes it into the list over Joaquin Phoenix because honestly, I don't think I've seen a harder fucker.

Top Quote: "I'll apologise when hell freezes over. They can fuck off!" when asked to apologise to GLAAD for homophobic comments.
9. Socrates

Now I should clarify, the next three on the list probably belong higher on an objective list, but this isn't an objective list and if you've been dead for over 50 years and it was 'cool' to be the bearded guy in your time, then you're not getting much higher than this. Now, the real Socrates is still a mystery because back then people didn't feel the need to write shit down. Socratic irony anyone? Anyway based on Plato's notes, this man was pretty fucking intense. Not only did he teach one of the greatest men the world ever got (Plato) he also developed the most fundamental of ideas- logic. I don't care how long your beard is, you impact epistemology and you're on the list!
Top Quote: "I know that I know nothing." Do. Not. Mess.
8. Charles Darwin
So there's all these people completely convinced the human race and everything around it just popped up out of nowhere, like "Let there be light" meant "Hit the switches, bitches", and in comes our good friend Mr. Charlie Darwin saying "'Ang on a bit! That don't sound right..."
The theory of evolution! The idea that we all evolved from single celled organisms and of course my all time favorite- survival of the fittest- all came from this man and his beard. There was never any doubt he'd make it.
Top quote: "I think." written on top of his first diagram of 'The evolutionary tree.'
7. Che Guevara
I must point out how unbearably painful it is for me to allow this fucker on the list. I used to believe. I used to look upto him. But then I found out the truth. Humberto Fontova's chilling depiction of the real Che shook me to my core and like a pain stricken ex lover I hate the fucker.
The only reason he makes it here, is because he murdered thousands, was a dreadful strategist, a sexist, racist bigot and was generally a real fuck head, but somehow got millions of people to not only love him and wear T shirts of him, but even get him tattooed on them. Now that's what I call Marketting!
Top Quote: "Those who kill their own children and discriminate daily against them because of the color of their skin; those who let the murderers of blacks remain free, protecting them, and furthermore punishing the black population because they demand their legitimate rights as free men — how can those who do this consider themselves guardians of freedom?" Of course it never stopped him from mass executions and racist comments. Asshole.
6. Karl Marx
Of course. I can't say I agree with or even like most of what he proposed but the fact remains, capitalism will never have a sterner critic. As long as there are economies there will be a tiny group of Marxists screaming 'What about the little people?' except they won't be squeaky and pouting, they'll be loud and possibly armed. Hm.
When everyone was sure they could go about saying the administration was right and nobody'd argue, up came young Karl saying 'Ah! Then I'll be the Left!" Always listen to the man in the beard...
Top Quote: "The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways- the point is to change it" BUUURRN!
5. Willie Nelson
I know a lot of music lovers and most of them hate country music. But then I'll ask them about Willie Nelson and the usual reaction is to the effect of 'well OBVIOUSLY, I like him but otherwise it's shit...'
Whether or not that statement is true, Willie Nelson has inspired and moved millions with some of the most beautiful love songs and some of the smoothest pickings of his acoustic guitar 'Trigger'.
Top Quote: "I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?" So true. So very true.
4. Steven Speilberg
Horror. Comedy. Thriller. Action. Futuristic/Fantasy. Romance. There is NOTHING this man has not done, and there is nothing he's done without his beard. 45 years of directing, producing and occasionally acting in films. The way he has adapted and grown year in and year out to create some of the greatest films of all time, right from Schindler's list to Jaws, is nothing short of inspiring. Is there any movie watcher who doesn't rate atleast one Speilberg film as one of his/her all time favorites?
Top Quote: "All of us every single year, we're a different person. I don't think we're the same person all our lives."

3. ZZ Top
For the first time on the list I think the beard tipped the scales. Well, in this case it's beardS.
Arguably the Sultans of 'Cool', the Blues trio have provided millions with some of the coolest guitar riffs and blues howls. With some killer innuendo and the wind in their hair, I don't think I've seen many cooler sites than these guys rocking out at the Crossroads festival. Their selection may be influenced by the fact that La Grange is currently my wake up music but whatever. But with their signature guitars and signature wheels, there is very little you can take away from these guys.
Top Quote: “We've been coming out with you for a long time, ... And it's the same three guys playing the same three chords right here.” Got to love self deprecation!
2. Chuck Norris
He CAN eat just one Lay's chip. He doesn't read- he stares down books and they tell him all. His tears cure cancer- but he never cries. There's no life on Mars- for He has been there.
He sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, he roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The boogeyman looks under his bed for Chuck Norris. He wears no watch- he DECIDES time. He can kill two stones with one bird. He's 1/8th Cherokee- this has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
There are no lesbians- only those who have not seen Chuck Norris.
Top Quote: "Say Please..." when God said 'Let there be Light.'
1. Alan Moore
The anarchist writer who wrote some of the greatest graphic novels including Watchmen, V for Vendetta and The Killing Joke, he is, to me, the only person to fully utilise the medium of graphic novels. The often volatile author who dropped out of school at 17 for selling LSD, is known for his hatred of film adaptations of comics. He tops the list because, not only is he one of the most immense personalities in the world with one of the most amazing minds, he also has in my opinion the most awesome defence of his beard- "the laziness that has enabled my beard to get to this length is not a habit that I'm going to shake now."
Top Quote: "To paint comic books as childish and illiterate is lazy. A lot of comic books are very literate - unlike most films."

And with that we come to the end. I do hope I haven't pissed anyone off with the list. Inputs are definitely welcome, please chip in with other nominees.
I must go now. Chuck Norris is here and he's pissed he's only second on the list. It's been nice knowing you all. Farewell.
P.S. Someone warn Alan Moore, he has about 3 minutes before Chuck Norris flies down to England to dropkick his ass.

2 responses to "The Top 10 Famous Bearded Men"

  1. This is certainly one of the most entertaining reads of my day! Way to go, you three! Let there be light-Say Please!!!! LMFAO!


  2. Nice post! But Darwin has been refuted time and again! Please do your research. Thanks!

    The Lonely Traveler

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The All of us.